Many books have been written about the so-called strong-willed child. These books generally present very good advice about limit setting with difficult children. By most accounts, a strong-willed child is one who does what ever he wants and opposes adult correction. Strong-willed children also have poor control over their own impulses.
The concept of the strong-willed child is confusing because it implies a child with good will power. Will power, or impulse control, enables children to focus on school, work and meaningful hobbies.
The so-called strong-willed child actually has poor will power, NOT good will power!
Will power helps children behave in a good way and resist temptation. Will power developed over the course of childhood protects against ADHD, addiction and antisocial personality disorder.
But, the concept of the strong-willed child makes so much sense, what is really going on? Instead of having will power, strong-willed children have an out of control drive for social dominance (see Just Like His Father? and Parenting the At Risk Child). The drive for social dominance makes them resistant to correction because they always want to be “in charge.” Thus, they only appear to be strong-willed.
Why am I quibbling over words here? The reason is this, it is important for parents to recognize that the source of oppositional behavior in children is BOTH poor impulse control AND a strong social dominance drive. These two things often go together in “at risk” children. A parent of an “at risk” child has to overcome the strong social dominance drive while teaching impulse control. THIS IS NOT AN EASY TASK!
